Well,

being.

Hi!

‘ I write so that I do not die.’

This is a quote (probably) from my writing partner and friend, Katie Huttlestone. I love it, for both of its meanings. Writing is an immortalising magic but it is also a way that many of us keep sane, keep going, keep feeling connected and alive.

I’ve been thinking a lot recently about being ‘well’.

How are you? Oh I’m well, thank you! Are you well? Yes. Yes I am. I am well.

I find myself saying that I am ‘well’ with some sort of defensive undertone- don’t pity me! I’m ok. And I am, but I also have to do things quite consciously to make sure that I stay that way. Physically- bleugh- I have another blog for that chat- but mentally, my well-being is tied closely to writing, sharing and grounding.

And so, this post is on the subject of being mentally well, and how I do it.

PLUS, my (unknowable adjective to describe how I feel- maybe ‘brother’ says it) brother has written about his words and music and how they have made him smile recently.

Plant Chat

When I’m not feeling that great, and I am overwhelmed with everything I have to do, I often turn to my plants. To be surrounded by green makes me happy. Below is a collection of images shared between my best friend and I. We hadn’t had a plant chat for a while, and Spring brings new leaves and colours so it’s nice to stop and enjoy them for a minute. And then to share them. If a plant is appreciated but no photo taken, is it really appreciated? He he he.

My classroom is also full of plants and students often comment on them and ask about them, I like to think that even if they don’t really notice them that they have a positive impact on their well-being. Plants. I love them. Each one has a story, but I can’t say I feel particularly inspired to share them just now.

Over to you Joe. (Reader, don’t be fooled by the deprecation, he really is brilliant.)

An Elevated Music Mind

I have depression, I play guitar and sing, sort of. I hear a song and sometimes think, I should try and learn to play that song. Sometimes I even make up a song, some daft little combo of chords and lyrics that maybe could become something. Often these little sparks of inspiration are smothered by my mood and I roll over and do nothing. I am grateful to these little sparks though. In the past some of these little sparks have become something. I have a handful of original songs and covers that I have, over the years, shared on a YouTube channel called elevatormusicmind. I have recorded and shared these songs in spite of the voice inside my head that tells me just how awful these attempts are. And I know they are rough, my voice is not great and mainly I am just strumming some basic chords. I record them on my phone so the sound is bad. They are either original songs nobody asked for or covers of songs few will like. Like my most recent effort, a cover of a poppy vanilla, sickly sweet French song. I don’t speak French but I made my mouth make the sounds like the lady in the song. Learnt the guitar parts. Even loaded up some editing software to add a drum track and a bit of reverb. The whole time I was questioning myself, it all seemed so absurd and pointless to me. I was incredibly close to dropping the whole thing all the way through. Yet I persisted. After a few days of procrastinating I put it all together. Listening to it back the first time I caught myself chuckling at the absurdity of it. But I was smiling, laughing even. I found joy in having made it, in hearing it, but also in its kind of trashiness. If I had been asked if I thought the recording of that song was worthwhile or if it would be supportive of my mental health, I would have said no. I was happy to be proved wrong. All of this is to say that when your mind is somewhere deep and dark, allow music to elevate it.

Joe

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My blummin’ brilliant brother, there: a lesson in perseverance and always looking for the smiles. He will always be honest, which is one of the things I love so much about him. Books, music, words and sharing have always been the foundation of our relationship. When we have a chance to chat, it's the best cup of tea for my soul.

We recently read ‘Tomorrow and Tomorrow and Tomorrow’ by Gabrielle Zevin and chatting about our thoughts afterwards was the best. Watch this space, maybe we’ll launch a little podcast on here in the summer. But it occurred to me during our chat(s) that having the shared experience of reading, appreciating and thinking deeply about a novel is so grounding. Grounding because we had very similar cultural reference points and similar enthusiasm for any story that delves deeply into physical and mental pain, especially when Donkey Kong and Mario lead the way in terms of motifs. Read it if you haven’t already. Guardian review here.

Grounding, though.

I've tried it all. Yoga, meditation, talismans, the moon, 54321, journalling, bare feet outside. Some of it works a bit, some of it doesn't. I do know that I am truly grounded, by that I mean at peace and fully in my body, when I'm by the sea, with my feet on the sand preferably.

The other time I feel grounded is when I'm having a good old hug- ideally with someone I love, but I can be flexible on that. Teehee.

Animals. My hens. My stick insects. My dog. The chuffing hamster. The lambs we fed today.

Trees.

I'm sure there's science behind it, but it also seems quite obvious that physically holding something feels good. Grounding.

Or is all of that actually escaping? Who knows. I don’t think I’ll ever make a wellness author!

Please enjoy watching my hens.

Phew, I’ve run out of steam. This is a tree, that clearly has an eye. Look at them, trees. Touch them and hug them. Not because the king does but because it’s better to be weird than boring.

In writing this down, I have absolutely NOT been grounded- far too much time staring at screens trying to put it together between the other bits of life that happen at the weekend. So I am now off out into the sunshine. To close my eyes, lie on a blanket and cuddle whoever might come and join me. In my garden! Not a random public place.

Work and school beckons tomorrow. If I’m honest, I’m looking forward to being pulled down to earth by the needs of the school, my students, the parents, colleagues- it’s good to have structure when my mind so easily flits to these rambles.

Thanks if you got this far :-)

Rachael x